I'm Home. Am Tired. Need Coffee.

Good morning everyone. I hope you all are well. Just a little update. I was able to come home after the surgery. Very surprising to all of us, but I was thankful I am able to rest in my own bed.

I will not know the results of the biopsy until tomorrow.

I joked with Greg that this will be the only time in my life that I will be a 38DD-  but only on one side LOL! I'm surprised at the amount of swelling, really. This is surgery #15 for me and I have never had swelling like this.

And now for an update on our precious little one. Brayden was moved out of the CNICU and into the "step down unit" yesterday. He is breathing on his own and doing well. Next wednesday he will have another surgery to repair another hole in his esophagus. They will have to go through his chest to repair it- and I really hate to think that he has to go through that again- but one of the arteries to his heart is to close to this hole and they cannot safely do the repair the normal way. But this will be his last surgery for a while so he will be able to come home after this one.

Joey and Ashley were able to hold Brayden yesterday for the very first time. Joey stayed at the hospital all night and when I spoke to him this morning he was very tired. He said Brayden's crying woke him at 5:30 this morning. I answered never is there a more welcome sound than a baby's cry when they have been too sick and weak to make even a whimper. Welcome to the rest of your life Joey! It will never be the same again!

They have formally diagnosed Brayden with "Charge Syndrome." and like any other illness or syndrome there are varying degrees of it. We will have to wait and see. But he will be loved and adored no matter what.

Will stop now. Pain pills are kicking in and I need sleep! More later. Love and hugs!  M

I'm back.

Hello everyone. Sorry I haven't updated in several days. Things have been difficult here. But first, and most important- an update on our little miracle. Brayden is now off the respirator and is breathing on his own. We are so very thankful for that. He has healed up nicely from his surgeries, but will need another before he is able to come home. So, please do keep him in your prayers.

As for me, I am sorry I haven't updated on the surgeon visit, etc.  I had to re-arrange the appointments a few times, but I finally had my iron infusion for my anemia. I have to go to the Cancer Center to have them and I am soooooo very sad when I do. There are always so many people there getting their chemo, and some of them are so ill. It just makes me want to bawl like a baby to see them suffering. Then I feel guilty when one of them says, oh, you are so young to be so sick and ask me what cancer I have. I feel guilty saying I don't have cancer. Just anemia. Then the conversation with me stops since I am not one of them. And that's okay. I understand.

I had a very large dose this time. And my body didn't like it much. Was sick for 6 days. Don't you just love it when you do something that's supposed to make you feel better, and it makes you feel like shit instead? But already after 1 week, I am feeling a bit better. It's amazing how terrible anemia makes you feel. And it comes on slowly- usually over weeks or months and suddenly you realize that you can't even walk from one end of the house to the next without needing to sit down afterward.  And I never know if it is the anemia, fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Immune Difficiency Syndrome, or my heart problems that are the cause. But hopefully when I start getting the full effect of the iron infusion I will have more energy to get some things done around here. But, I guess I'll have to wait a bit. I saw the surgeon today and I will be going in for surgery on wednesday. He will remove the lump and lymph node, and then we will know for sure if it is cancer or not.

He gave me the choice of the needle biopsy or the surgery. I opted for the surgery. I told him to just take it out and get it over and done with so I don't have to worry about it anymore. We did not discuss what to do if it is cancer, and I am not going to think about it now. I am following the good advice of a very wise friend of mine (that would be you Ralph!) who said not to worry until I know what I am dealing with. That's not always easy to do. But I am learning that some things are better left in God's hands and this is one of them.

I was told that it normally is an outpatient surgery, but, because of my heart problems, they may keep me overnight. When I had my shoulder surgery they kept me 4 days because of heart issues, but  hopefully, all will be well and I will be able to come home and sleep in my own bed. I will let you know the results of my surgery asap. If I am not up to posting, I will have one of my sons or DILs post for me on my facebook page. (Greg doesn't know how to use the computer,and does NOT want to learn! LOL!)

I gotta get to bed now. It's nearly 1am and I have to be at the hospital early for my pre-op tests. I'll talk to you soon!  Love and hugs!   Marlene